I know that some of you are not wanting to hear of how good a time we are having so this post is for you baby…… As you may recall it is New Years Day, we turn the corner in our boat to see an amazing resort nestled between two craggy rock mountains formation, private beach, aqua blue water, monkeys, and coconuts. This is what movies are made of and this is what they call paradise.
It could not be further from the truth, and this is how it plays out in abreviated form:
The entrance of the resort is full of empty Hanoi beer cans and dead cigarette buts, people are hungover and looking like death, the coffee table in the reception is cracked and broken, there is a jug on the counter that has a substance that looks like gravy in it and a half empty beer with a blow fly on the rim, a dog with tits dragging on the ground, a head receptionist who can’t speak English and actually no one can, plants are dry and dying, rubbish bins are full, dunny door is open stinks like piss and poo and to top it off for Marley the Internet is shit.
Have I painted a picture yet? Happy New Year.
Our passports are taken and we are shown our room. Two double beds are stuffed in a room the size of a wardrobe, aircon broken, paper thin walls, no hot water, no kettle or fridge, a leaking shitter, two towels for four people, a sheet for a blanket, lights don’t work and it stank.
Not happy Jan….. But it gets worse. Finally we upgrade to a room that has hot water and still two towels but doesn’t stink and has quilts, it’s ok, we can does this until……
Seeings we arrived late after noon we settled in, had a swim, Bianca and I had a romantic kiss at the lookout and a drink or three and made our way to dinner. On offer was a buffet all you can eat BBQ or standard menu. I went the BBQ, the other three the menu. The food wasn’t outstanding, filled a spot and allowed us to rest our weary bodies after a long day travelling.
The sleep was pretty good, beds were super comfy. In the early morning I woke up feeling a little sweaty and off, not thinking much of it I went to the toilet, washed my face and went back to bed. Not long after this I awoke with an instant urge to ride the porcelain express, hanging on for life I reeled in agony heaving my guts up and emptying every little bit I could into the shitter. Wiping away the sweat from my forehead, rinsing my mouth and thinking that’s unusual I went back to my bed which is right next to my family and their beds, you share everything together while on holiday. Now I tell myself it’s ok, I’ll be alright, Marley begins to complain of a tummy ache and begins his journey on the express porcelain train. The girls entertain themselves while the boys lay on their death beds together. DAMN CHICKEN. That night is long, Marley thinks he is dying, I am dehydrated and worn out, Elkie is bored and Bonky has been nursing us. With a little sleep we decide to get off the island as quick as possible, bags packed, dry toast and electrolytes downed we jump on the next boat to the mainland.
Stay tuned on how we make up for the 😷 island part of our trip.